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更多 发布于:2016-08-25 11:03
熟悉Ben叔的人都知道,Ben叔在外贸G友团公众号开了很多专栏连载,像《假装在500强》、《Ben叔创业史》、《小P孩的MBA》等等。熟悉Ben叔的人应该还知道,Ben叔的自我介绍里有一句“香港东九龙土著”,在世界500强驰骋多年,更是练就一番商业英文的真功夫在身。这不,应广大Ben叔迷妹的要求,Ben叔又新开了一个系列BE(Business English),所有的案例均为外贸人遇到的真实情境,由Ben叔亲自操刀分析修改,给大家送上一份地道的商务英文大餐。

11楼:(第九章)本叔的商业英语9 - DDU
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  • 名人堂de小二
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    2016-08-28 15:36
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发布于:2016-08-25 11:04


 I need a rock bottom price (就是说,很rock的,很硬的最最低价)for
500 pairs of XXXXX samples so I can use them for a direct mail advertisement.
 I will mail only the R or the L with a coupon to order the other one and
more.(这招挺不错,两只鞋只寄一只,试用了感觉良好再买另一只)If it works, I will continue
the campaign across the US and order more of these samples.


 They do not
need any package - lose in one box is fine.They will need the new glue strips
and the logo.I don't care about the color of XXX you use, as long as the only
change in XXX used is the color.

 Can you
partner with us on this promotion and give us a sample price of $XX per pair
and we will pay the shipping for the single box.
(都要partner with us了要人家减价的时候总是那么的亲切)

 So in the
future if we order samples, we can order a case of 500 each time at XX each and
you can pick the XXX color.  This promotion will ask the lady to take the
XXXX challenge.  Try it in one shoe...then we will give them a coupon to
buy one at regular price and get the other sample L or R one free.

 If it works
we can pick up many clients and reorder more regular packages with you, but I
need a partner to help0 me lower the price for promtiion.  In US a mail
promotion is usually 2% return, so we would take a chance to lose money on the
first one.

 If this is
agreeable, I'm ready to pay the invoice.  





 It is a
really good news you want to  expanding your market. as your know we alway
support with your team.

 But for this
time base on two point we cannot do this way:

issue,even no color limited ,but every color we have MOQ  when we purchase
raw materials.

(这句Grammatical,可改:MOQ issue: when we purchased we have MOQ limitation by color.)
we have no raw materials in stock.

issue,upon 500pairs USDXXX it hard for us keep profit balance.

 But we have
solution,we still have your color materials in our factory,we can produce 500
pairs use your materials.


 Price we can
make an discount for XX% without package.

 If you have
any comment pls let me know.



 Hi XXX,

 Look like
you have an innovative marketing campaign.  I am interested to know how
you come up with this idea?  As you supplier we certainly would work out a
solid plan together.


 Looking into
the details I am afraid there are 2 points that we might need to come over.

 When we purchase from the factory their request a order with MOQ by
color.  Put it simple, one color, one MOQ.  


price:  That gonna be a very challenging target price to hit.  Are
you open for ideas about cutting the cost? Like, changing certain part of the

 Good news is
that we have some of your existing colors in stock and we could be flexible for

 If you would
like to go without packaging I am able to offer you further XX % discount.

 YES we are
ready to receive your order.  Let’s keep the ball rolling.




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发布于:2016-08-25 11:07
 Dear AAA,
 May i ask your annual demand for each model if
it is the exclusive model in your market?
 Please let me explain the exclusivity in our
company as following:  
me explain
 1) The tooling cost for each model is around
xx,xxx USD.

 2) The certificate cost for each model is around
xx,xxx USD.

 3) It will take at least 8 months to finish one
new BPM model, the development cost is xx,xxx USD.

 Totally, it will cost xx,xx USD for one model,
please kindly understand that we need to keep the balance between invenstment
and output (orders ).

 Based on the very large cost on one NEW BPM
model, Normally, we will not sign the exclusivity with customers,there are two
solutions for the product conflict:

 1) For the models you selected, please tell us
the annual demand and we will check if it is possible to keep you as the only
agency/ sole distributor) in your market.

 2) If the annual demand is small, we will
suggest to make the product colour different for avoiding the conflict. (
 Sofar , the orders from BBB is more than yours,
it is very hard to make the decision, however, we respect our relationship,
(啊,那真是皇恩已沐啊。。。)Any more suggestion,
please feel free to tell us and let's discuss about it.
 Best regards,
其实整体来说这篇写得还可以的。我一直强调,BEbusiness english)不是要多华丽的英文,而是在于沟通。思维在语言之上。这一篇算是达到这一目的了,只是语气太强硬。想必你对多年的朋友也不会如此吧?所以,英语表达就把你害了。


 Hi AAA,
 First of all I would like to appreciate your
intention to work exclusively with us.  This mean to me our product can
serve your market well and I assume that also mean you are happy with our
relationship.  Look back to our long successful history it make perfect
sense we can work further and closer together.  

 Yet, being exclusive could be a direct financial
hit to our business.  Here I list out my concerns:

 ROI:  Considerable investment in our NPI process:  Design, tooling,
certification, timing.. etc. if you are interested I can send you a breakdown
to give you a better idea.
 Put yourself into my shoes I wish you could understand where I come from.
 I need to go volume in order to amortize my cost.  
 As a result, I would be more than happy to discuss with anyone about
exclusivity with a contracted volume.  This way I could focus on my
manufacturing role while partnering with local market expert on sales.  
 Having said that, other factors like branding effort, channel coverage….etc
could be of consideration.  

 I am open for discussion if the above sound
reasonable to you.  Meanwhile, I believe being exclusive is NOT the only
way to be of best interest to us.  There must be some more

 Thanks for the trust and the business.  We
will keep talking.

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发布于:2016-08-25 11:11
 以下是同学发的文件,我连拼错字也原汁原味转来。Spell check大家必须做:

 Dear ALL,
already passed the final inspection issued by Q. So from our side, (这句很中式,你可能想说「我们这边认为。。」。建议改为From our point of view, 霸气点可以「In my view」。将View变做动词能就更霸。。。不过,你在做生意,不是在做戏。。不用太霸气的。。)we don't think it's neccessary for tomorrow's
re-inspection. (整句还是不错,因为你把自己的看法直接和清析地表达出来了。)
 But pls
clearly to be noted, (这句也是常错的。首先,小小文法。But永远不用来开句的。真要表达,那就用However来开句。另外是句式太复杂。pls be clearly noted that….会好一点。但也只是好一点点而已。。。)indicated by our company's policy we must receive at least
50% payment for TCJ no later than Monday, (此处该有连接词吧?有点oddno shippment
will be allowed to arrange for TCS before we received any serious offical official就够了。你可能是见过有人用serious在类似的场合,但这里不对。)payment confirmation.
 I am
sorry for this, but I need to follow company's policy. And pls let me know your
action ASAP.
 Thanks &
Best regards
 Ms. D (同学的简称吧)

 Hi all, (我知,你们教科书都是DEAR。跟一个老头DEAR,渣男屌丝又DEAR,你没觉得不对劲吗?)
the positive inspection result from Q, I don’t see the needs of the
re-inspection.  Quality should be well accepted according to our defined process.
 (多用Process. 在品管领域,Process是圣旨。既有process而不跟,死罪)
 As a
separate issue, (这的确该是两码不同的事)may I remind you that we must receive 50% of the payment
before we can proceed your shipment?  I am not able to release anything
without a solid proofsolid这个字很好用).  Please help me to help you an on time
 I am
sorry, but a rule is a rule (这一句可以不要,就看你跟客户的关系了).  Thanks for your understand.

 接下去是客户三个不同部门的人在围攻同学Ms. D:

 We had
already advised that there was no need to arrange Q inspection but let our QC
Janny to do the re-final inspection. Please confirm that you had already sorted
out all the problems as what our QC Janny found on her final inspection. Her
previous final inspection was rejected with a lot of issues. Please reply.
Carmen, Janny needs to do this reinspection and eyeball eyeball这个字很常见也很有现场感,值得大家学习)the whole stock.
 I agree
with B
need to ensure the workmanship issues have truly been addressed. (这句很典型的跟屁虫废话, 500强常见。)
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发布于:2016-08-25 11:11
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阿里外贸圈推荐的物流商 点击了解》
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发布于:2016-08-25 11:12
续上一个故事,双方一直在拉锯是先让重验货还是先付钱。跳过一些细节,老外后来反脸了,直指D女士办事不力向她的老板K先生投诉了。单从business english 的角度,这一节的例子都写得专业,所以我就不作修改了。那么我们在一旁静静地看着他们装B吧。

1. 这是老外发给K和D的。

Hi K/D,
I tried to call D’s phone but failed.
We relooked into the remittance of
 and found that we had accidently paid you too much. We had now stopped the
 payment to recalculate. We will send through payment again after recalculation.
 I wanted to discuss with Dora on the phone but it seems that you are avoiding
 answering my phone calls.
We do not know what reason you could
 arrange our QC’s
  inspection. There must be some quality issues otherwise you could have
 arranged our QC to check the goods. We made 30% upfront payment on this product
 based on the trust to your company. It is unfair that you do not follow our
 instruction. As my discussion with my boss, we would rather not deliver the
 skirts if there is going to have potential problem.
You must communicate with us ASAP as
 tomorrow is the cutoff date for the skirts!

2.  这一封是老外的高层追加的电邮。
I would appreciate a phone call from
 as dealing with Dora on this matter has not been beneficial for either of us.
I will await your phone call,
Kind regards

3.  如果我是D,看到以下这一封K的邮件我可能就哭着高呼「领导英明我必以死相随」。。:)
Dear XXX,
  That has make me so surprised and disappointment
(建议大家多用surprise and
disappointed这两个高雅地表达不满的字眼)when I saw YYY’s email. Pls
take exactly
 immediate action to push all thing come back the right way.
  I am really appreciated for D has strictly complied with company's
policy. And
 pls clearly to be noted, all her previous and coming actions are under my

  Here I would like to list the details again, even thought Dora has shown
 side for many times:
  QC inspection for TCS:
  All of us know well about Q, and they represent the authority in the
field. The
 end customer has enough confidence to them. I have been working together them
 in the past several years, and really know well for all the procedure. So I
 think that is no necessary from your side to doubt their QC report.
  For make all things come back on the road, and show our strong willing to
 continue the business I would like to show our procedure(we only accept this
 solution at this moment):

We believe above solution is our final
 accepting solution, and would not accept any future re-negotiation.
  I would like to reiterate here, D has my all authority under handling
 issue. For any future connection pls contact with her directly.


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发布于:2016-08-25 15:03
一个星期已经到了第五节的,写《本叔的BE》这个专集比起我的长篇外贸小说《假装在500强》实在轻松太多太多了。不过,我还是必须推荐大家去读一读,原因有两个:1. 这是我就毕生采购和职场所学花大量心血时间而写成的(当然,还未写成,太难写了。。)2.  不花钱。除了最后几章外,大部分内容都是免费的。有兴趣可以去基友团的公号又或者料神的料网看。




“Hi J,

You single price
is out the budget, it is not worth purchasing the price. I am looking for ABS
at $6.00 per kg landed in AAA (maybe $7.00). Your price is too high. It will be
a waste to to purchase your sample at $13.00


Thank you

请本书帮忙优化一下措辞。 其实,我想表达的是市场上价格有便宜的但肯定不是好货,只要有量,价格是可以谈的。以下是我的回复


“Hi XXX,

Thanks for your
kind reply.

We do not doubt
that you can got offer price at $7 or less CIF AAA from Chinese market.

We can also
manufacturing cheap cost product, however, it is unavoidably that printout
success chance
(这里我猜你是想说品质)will goes down and more after sales
serive request will come out. Which cost more time and not good for long-time

For final price ,
if you are satisfied with testing result and for following quantity price of
100,500,2000,5000, I can ask a bottom price from my boss for you.
(又来了,原来你报的不是bottom price, 原来你还有很多后着,原来你在等我压你价。。。我衷心告诉你,一个专业的采购员看到你这句bottom price就会有我以上的反应鸟。。。)

By the way, does
your target price $6(or $7) for every shipment no matter if the quantity
100,500, 2000, or 5000kg?


One of our regular
customer from Australia choose us to be their filament supplier after one week
China factory visiting. Welcome to visit us if you have time.

(我想赞一下这段。Reference用得不错,不过说得一点点太神。看厂只是整个buying decision process的一部分而已。)

Thank you and best




Thanks for having
a chance to review our quotation.  The target price $6 seem challenging
….may I know how do you come up with this target?  I am very
interest to know the magic behind and would like to reasonably adjust and try
to match it.  (一定要问!他可能真的有公式的,那么也是你学习一下人家costing是怎样做的好机会。反过来如果他是瞎掰的,有可能他就不再坚持了。将心比心想一想?Reasonably adjust也就是表示我们是有空间的,有诚意的。)

We’ve seen product with unbelievably low price locally in China, but I
am not sure we are talking in the same line.  I believe you would agree
functionality, quality and after-sales service are keys to success in our
industry.  We all know that a low price on the quotation could turns out
to be never-ending trouble (and carrying cost, of course) in the future.

(I believe
you would agree…….we all know that…都是术啊!!套亲近啊!!我们的看法一致啊!!这也客气地说了老外您不是蠢得不懂这个道理吧。。)

Having said that,
it is always our aim (
也可以用we intended ) to provide
our customer unparalleled quality product with affordable cost.  What I
would suggest is that we review your annual demands of the product and lets
come up again a price-volume mix for your reference.  Communication is
always the key to support our customer.


For your
reference, YYY in your regional market has been our long customer and it
’s seem that Aussie (假设是澳洲市场)are quite happy
with our product.  Selling our product is proved to be profitable and
reliable.  I would be happy to tell you more about our activity in your
market if you are interested.


Let's keep the
ball rolling.


此篇的用语本人自我感觉良好。不过,having said that,不要太过迷信一封电邮就能改变世界。最后能不能成功斩获订单,靠的绝不止是几只英文字。
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发布于:2016-08-28 15:36
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发布于:2016-08-29 10:21
今节我挑了一篇典型的中式英文。所谓的中式英语,是大家花了无数光音硬背的英语单词,从小被老师挑剔出来的语法,以及考试前夜各种笔记中的回忆,统统总合起来的一种体现。用着中文的思维,去写英文的邮件,才是真真正正的硬伤。一一,The good news is, 我们要学的不是英国文学,不是莎士比亚。我们学英文是用来「用」,不是用来「现」,你要懂的不是英式红茶的种类,不是美国共和民主两党的差别(当然,你能懂更好。。)。要写好的BE,你要懂的,只是西方的商业习惯。一下子范围就小,是不是对学好BE的信心大了很多?



如下是一个英国的客户,购买意向很高;当时他有25000GBP预算,但是那时我们的报价需要用得用好的材料,降价后也还差USD3500多,所以僵持了,后来英镑贬值,差得就更多了,后来我们想出另一个方案,报价给他;按当时的汇率离他们的预算还有差了USD2000多;后来客户一直没有反映;追踪后,客户就是如下的回复,表示很会很下单,但是仍然希望我们降价; 后来我跟老板沟通,决定去MEET他们的预算(就是按汇率换过来的USD价),如下邮件不知道说理由是否合理,但是客户到目前是没有回复,虽然有互动,但是没有谈及引事...




I know you were
busy these days.

Are you watching
Olimpics games?  
(做个spell check不难的,你只需right click 红字。。)
With one of very
popular internet slang, " I have used my core power to obtain the new

(EXCUSE ME??!!!洪荒之力都出来了!!讲真,你觉得老外真的知道你在说什么吗。。。?有些joke,只是我们中国人能明白的。。。就算了吧。。)

So I hope it could
give you some help.

Thanks a lot! May
I ask what's your opinion with the new prices?

(看得出你是花了洪荒之力才想出怎样才好像是不经意地问老外您看价格可以不?怎么说呢。。我不是你所有我可能不懂,但既然老外你问价时那么认真了,我又花了那么多时间去给你报价了,老外您其实回一回我邮件绝对是应!份!的!一句 How is the quotation?直接提醒一下就是一份礼貌的距离了。)

Best regards,

Dear XXXX(3个客户人员),

Hope you all had a
good weekend!

My Boss and sales
manager had a meeting regarding the YYY cases, and also we talked about the
aluminum material supplier to cost down the cost.

They agreed to
give us 5% off on mateiral  within the next 10 days!  it will be 3%
off in total price.
(此处注意。这样你的material成本比例就暴露了。这不一定有所谓,但你open book给客户看的那个比例要对得上,不然就会被challenge。。) So we would like to give you this offer;

In order to
establish long business relationship with you, my boss would like to show his
greatest sincerity, he is willing to give up the only 5% profit.

(来了来了。。我指的中式思维来了。。。你这真的是在挑战国际惯例!!我很理解你在国内跟客户称兄道弟喝酒时说:我那5个点不赚了都你的好了,谁让咱是好哥们?然而你信我吧,文化不同啊。。老外第一反应必须是:你骗谁呀?没利润谁做呀?另外,”long business relationship, greatest sincerely…….必须加上as your best friend in china, 才能组成让老外调笑的三合一chinglish大招啊!!)

So there is new
next 8 % off for you totally.( this must be the lowest price this year we would

(8% cost down 是太高/太低我不知道,行业各异,但有一点肯定的,此文没针对客户是因为exchange rate的问题而来的成本痛点做上什么。你只是「跟老板开了个会」,「跟供货商聊了聊物料价」,然后,奇迹就出现了,8个点马上就能下来。记住:所有cost down都必须有理由,不然你后面就有你受的了。申延读物是本叔写的「VE价值工程」一文。

We regard you as
value as much, and please find the revised formal quoation as attached.

P.S  Because
the supplier give us a time limited, so if you agree with new price,  we
are going to sign the material purchasing right now, and I will sent the PI for
you soon.


Thanks and have
good day!

Best regards,


Hi J

I'm sure we can do
something. N
(客户的同事), I'm sure will be in touch with you soon
like you we are all finding it hard this year so anything you can dicoumt (人家不做spell check啊,谁让他是客?你可不行!)would be great.

Kind regards



I am glad we are
back to track eventually.  We
’ve been
waiting your feedback for long.  As a matter of fact, we put quite some
effort to keep our offer valid up to the challenge of the recent currency
fluctuation.  I will explain. (THANKS GOD感谢主你终于回来了。这句是有很轻微怪责的意味的,小心。但我们还是该怪责他一下的,不对吗?都为你准备好那么多了,你看,你不在时我们仍然想尽办法帮你保持原价,你却走远了。。。你的良心呢?:)记住,像一个人一样去聊天,像一个君子一样去怪责,没有问题的。如果他有其他更好的选择,你跪着说话他也是会走的,懂吗?)

I am not sure we
could offer you any further discount as you
’ve got
already our best offer. (I am not sure是非常非常好用的负面词。这是所有老美一听就懂的NO两个字的客气版) Be assured the offer you’ve got is not something we will let go normally.  (Be assured就是说,信我吧!没骗你的!同一意思。)Yet, we understand
the impact of the currency exchange rate could be a short term risk to you. (强调short term, 就是你不能用一个短期的风险来谈价格的,大家都不傻。但我也知道兄弟你也有难处的,我们来想想办法。) What we would like to suggest is that we engage into a price change
mechanism.  (这是个我常用的谈判手段。这里不详说了,有机会在《假装在500强》写一下)Put it simple, the rule is that when the exchange rate does not in
favor to you, you’ll be compensated; when the rate come
back to normal level, we back to our original offer.  The attached
document further explain it in details.

I wish that idea
could strengthen your fate in our business.  
(加强你对这生意的信念。你不是求他,你是在帮他成事。毕竟跟你落单了对他也是件好事,对不对?)Unfortunately we have to put a period of validity of this offer (as
this is obviously our way to trigger the business launch).  (学问在这里!!我上面说,「今天做特价啊亲不买明天就没有啊亲」不要得,但我这里就用了。Ben叔你自打嘴巴啊。。。其实我特别加上这句就是想说,要是你真的想用这方法去迫他早点下单,那么请你直接说。我们就是为了让你早点下单的怎样?有时,光明正大做个小人也是一种手段啊。。)

I am available to
spoke with you online any time.  Just give me a ring.


看完后今次学到了什么? :)留言给我知道吧。
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发布于:2016-09-06 10:44
你心目中的採購經理是什麼個模樣的?是一副爺的嘴臉,還是口若懸河雄辯家?有人會說:我的客戶很好啊~又有人會說:我的客戶跟我私底下還行但人多時就是另一個人了。其實很簡單,一個好的採購經理是多面的。有需要時可以哭,可以怒,可以感恩,可以友善。嗯。。。我們都是當演員的料兒。 扯回這次的案例。當我還在500強當採購時,有大規模項目都會正式的用RFQ(request for quotation)。就算是小項目,也很習慣地把大量背景寫出來。為什麼?因為:

  1. 我一次性寫出來不用每個工廠都來問我一次,懶得回答。

  2. 我們採購是有責任把正確的信息,盡力清楚,詳細地告訴供應商。這叫專業。

  3. 最近我看到一些習慣了跪著接單的業務員在評論我文章時說「問那麼多,人家客戶會覺得你煩啊」之類的話。嗯,只能說你未見過世面。
至於問題有多詳細?有點像以下案例這個客戶這樣。大家看看原文: Hi BEN叔, 以下是开发信回来的客人邮件,可是我发邮件过去之后就没再收到他的任何信息了,不知道是哪里弄错了。但是一开始我们产品太多也不可能按他要求的给他做完整的价表。 客户邮件: Hello C, Thank you very much for attention to this email.

My name is B  and I'm the Operations Manager for XX. (比起那些一個電郵只說send me your best price那種屌絲客戶,這禮貌多了。不過,這封電郵有點怪,看下去。)
-  We are a large wholesale supplier to the promotional products industry, supplying distributors in the industry and not end users.(啊~原來做促銷品的。這個行業的特點是不停地需要新的供應商。對新供應商友善,是工作的一部分。。。。) -  We have been in business over 16 years, and we are highly respected with our current suppliers and have A+ credit ratings with both our domestic and overseas vendors.(這個A+什麼的就不用太認真了,除非他是國際認可的標準,例如D&B。) -  We have our own company and 2 other associated family businesses both doing very high volumes in the promotional product industry. -  We advertise through trade organizations very heavily and produce up to 70-75 orders per day, with about 1/3 of these orders being XX items. (看到這裡。。。老外你又有點太詳細了吧?) -  At the moment we are currently in the middle of a major advertising campaign to build our XX  business further, so we are very serious about our investment in this area. -  We are very please with our current factory, however we're researching other factories currently because our business is expending rapidly, and we would like to establish a business relationship with another vendor.(老外您那麼老實。。。我特麼不習慣啊。。彷彿看到一個老好人在後面對你微笑一樣。。。。又或者。。。奸笑。。) -  We’re interested in receiving more information about your factory's customer service, product quality, lead times, pricing, and shipping costs. Please also advise if your factory provides any rush services on lapel pins or any other products. (這裡他明確地列出他的要求了) -  The majority of our products orders ship directly to our warehouse (zip code XX) via Fedex/UPS priority international as a bulk shipment and then we handle the shipping to our clients from our warehouse. -  We will provide your factory with camera ready artwork for the proofs. Please kindly advise the turnaround time to receive a proof.(太詳細了。不過我也真見過一些過度詳細的老外) -  If your pricing is good, and we continue our discussion about doing business together, we will have to have a valid Price Sheet from your factory. We simply do to much business to receive pricing from you on a case by case basis.(這句老外也錯文法了。。挺正常的,不要介意。business english不看這些) -  Please provide us with a shipping quotation if possible, or please advise if your  pricing already includes the shipping costs. -  It would be great to get set up with you and try out your services. -  We have a large product range which includes XX. So if there is any other products you can provide us with information on please do so.(看,這是促銷品的一慣做法。他們很需要很多不同的新產品) -  Get back to me as soon as possible and let's start a dialogue. Thank you 這郵件有點詳細得可怕,有點像篇出來一樣。但我又不覺得他是假的,可能是因為我明白為什麼背後要這樣做。但如果我是業務員的話,還是會留一個心眼的。 以下是同學仔的回复: Hello B, Thanks for kindly introduction on you and your esteemed company. (又是教科書吧?Esteemed company不算是跪著說話,但用語也是重了點。可以用,但不太建議)It’s great to know your main business and we do hope to establish long term win-win business relationship with your esteemed company and become your stable and reliable supplier in China.(贊一個。stable and reliable了,而不是cheap and best friend in china) For XX products, we have more advantages of bulk production, quick turnaround and excellent quality guarantee. 1) For XXl items, X days for samples and X days for mass production( it will be rechecked based on detailed design & quantity)    For X products, X days for samples and X days for mass production( depends on design & quantity as well)    Rush lead time on all items are firmly supported without extra charge. 2) For the every beginning stage, we appreciate your detailed design inquiries or trial order for evaluation. For the following cooperation, price list will be arranged corresponding for your regular orders.   3) Regarding shipment by UPS ( priority service), the rough freight is as below.     A.  within 20kg   US$25/0.5kg+ US$4.30/0.5kg ( e.g 3kg = US$25+ US$4.3  x2.5 x2  =US$46.50)     B.   21-44kg    US$6.0/kg     C.   45-70kg   US$5.7/kg     D.  over 71kg  US$5.40/kg (以上我都看暈了。強烈建議你列表說明,而不是用文字) 4) We are always responsible for our customers.     1. X - Keep for 3 years since the last date of shipment     2. Free Artwork services     3. Quality- strictly follow order instruction and approved artwork.         4. No MOQ for all items     5.  Welcome to visit us once you and your team come to China. (這也是不錯。我看出服務來) Looking forward to our next dialogue 整體上,這還是個不錯的回應。可是,這叫做一問一答。人家問多少,你就答多少。在回文中,可以以一個比例作回應。Says,8成是回答老外的問題(盡量全部一條一條回答。我見太多太多問三條答一條的供應商了),2成是「策略性文字」。這是什麼鬼?你就不想做一個有互動的供應商嗎?你就不想很有針對性地說說你究竟有多適合成為他的供應商呢?我指的是「針對性」啊,而不是那種要跟人家establish long term relationship 的陳腔濫調。 那麼如何針對性?打開他網頁慢慢看!既然他是個有兩三家公司的group了那麼很有機會網站有足夠的資料讓你看。好好了解吧。
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发布于:2016-09-13 14:27
本叔的商业英语8 - 网站上的About us该咋写?
Luxor wedding started with something sweet. Being the first to introduce this kind of chocolate as a wedding element into Asia, Luxor chocolate quickly establish it awareness as a brand of love and wedding. (说品牌历史还是有些套路的。「定位」一书有说争取成为客户心智中的格格,最好的方法莫过于第一个导入新品类的人。如果你真是品类第一,不要多想,马上写上。当然,咱们99%都不会是这样的品类第一,那么就不要乱用了。第一句started with something sweet 很直观地又巧妙地把爱情和巧克力共同的甜密联想起来。)
Luxor Wedding moves on (move on是个把品牌人性化的词。Proceed, make progress可能是你在电邮上比较常用的词,但却把品牌写成生硬硬又很多流程的老派企业)by creating and designing unique wedding favor idea and manufacture it by our own workshop or carefully picked manufacturing partner. (这个写法就巧妙地说了我们不是工厂但比工厂有价值多了。)Our “little favor” turn out to be big (中文修词学过对比法吗?这里little favor/ big choice就是一例)and hot choice even by celebrity’s wedding in HK and China.(对了,这品牌出现过在Angelababy 和香港的胡杏儿的婚礼上啊!听说很快又有另一位了。)
As we understand what uniqueness means to every brides and gloom, customization is one of our key focus of service. (这里又把礼品个性化的服务和新人对婚礼的uniqueness唯一性的要求连在一起。”As we understand”= “因为我们明白”, 强而有力)We proudly tailor-made almost any part of the gifts to reveal importance of the memorable event.
Luxor wedding, the last detail of wedding. (最后是一个slogan。英文的slogan是个大大大学问,有机会我再分享一下。)
Five pieces of sugar almonds represent five wishes for the new couples: Health, wealth, happiness, children and a long life. This old European tradition has been blessing generations of love in Europe and the Mediterranean Sea.(首先,我们把其中一段关于巧克力的真历史写出来。意大利人也有封建迷信之时(笑)说笑而已,习俗,you know…习俗)
Heritage(我特别喜欢这个字:承传。很美的一个字。。) from this thousand years of tradition, Luxor evolute itself(Evolute itself….字面上是「把自己进化成」,好像怪怪的。但我却看出一个品牌生命力) to be a pioneer of the blessing confessionary industry. Our signature “The Luxor” and “Hanayome” color series (signature这里不是签名啊!日文该是「广告牌」,中文应该是「招牌货」吧)representing a rich range of pink, purple and red which is widely adopted by wedding ceremony since the Enlightenment period. (嗯,连文艺复兴都用上了。。。不过,天地良心,我已查了不少资料了,真的在那时已经用来做婚庆的了)
Originated from Mediterranean Sea, where sugar-coated chocolate born, Luxor are created to gift and to bless. (为祝佑而生的Luxor。created to gift and bless….修词功夫在这里了。估计大部分四六级小朋友都会Luxor use as a gift and to bless someone之类吧。)The sugar-coated chocolate with a great selection of impactful color(你要形容很漂亮,是不是就只懂说beautiful? pretty? nice? 还有吗?对的,电邮沟通重理解越简单越好,但文案就不同了。对文字的要求远远不止是让人明白就够了。Impactful是个简单的字,冲击力谁不懂呀?但你会懂得用在这里吗?看,我还是认为好的BE不是在背生词!!) are ideal for wedding gift and serve as(serve as, 作为,也是很常用,很好用) a key component of wedding candy bar.
Each piece of luxor is made from cocoa grew exclusively(制造Luxor巧克力的那些可可豆当然是为Luxor而种!!这是个正确的废话。你再想一想每日接触的广告,有多少是这些正确的废话?) for it.  By using recipe sine 40s from the last century(Luxor在地中海的供货商是个小的家族工厂,1940年代已经开始了), our manufacturing technique have been advanced to a new standard.  Today our plant in the Mediterranean Sea area is ISO9001:2008 certificated.
好了,现在再看看你们网站上的About us觉得怎样?我同意,写文案是高级的BE,也不能强求自己要懂。但我相当肯定好的文案能 makes a different。我会在以后的BE帖不定期找好的文案来分析一下。

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发布于:2016-09-18 11:27







请Ben叔叔改改,谢谢!Ben叔叔轻点喷。 ;-)

Hi I,
I am about ready to place more orders for 4mm white?
Let me know if you are interested in doing business with us.
Material to be paid upon arrival.


Very glad to get your 2nd inquiry.

To be honest, our standard payment terms is 100% prepaid before loading. (30% deposit before production + 70% balance paid before loading ). I don't want you think we are too rigid, but actually this is also the standard terms in our industry. (这句不错,不是英文不错,而是看到诚意。standard term不要乱吹,真的是standard才说,不然客户看到其他供货商不是这个standard时会迷之怒。)

I've do my best to persuade our management to meet your request, but it's too hard for us to fully accept your way. I hope you can understand my thoughts. (你又不解释为什么不能接受,只说是跟高层争取过了,说服力不够。不过好像比上几篇说:我跟老板说了下他就答应减价了。。。要好很多了。)

We cherish every customer, (cherish, 用字不错)so below is the our solutions for you:

25% deposit before production, we also need deposit to pay our raw material supplier, 75% balance paid 15 days after see the copy of bill of lading. (注意。。。你这句在说,我的物料成本只是占了25%其他的除了人工就是利润了~哗。。。1元的料4元卖出去,暴利啊。。另一个要点,客户可能会觉得你这什么破公司?买料都不够钱了?我还敢用你吗?)
At this way you will pay balance when material almost arrive at you. I hope this make you feel much better.

I understand as a serious buyer you may worry about our quality, (感觉除了质量外,他在乎的还有其他。你先别一箱情愿地以为人家对你的质量没信心。。。还是你自己没信心?)my suggestion is you can request a third party to inspect goods before shipment, we will do shipment until get approval from your inspection. We welcome inspections before shipments, this help assured for both buyers and us. Or you can place a trial order to check our quality and services before place regular orders.

I hope this time can make you satisfied.




DDU – Delivered Duty Unpaid (named place of destination)

This term means that the seller delivers the goods to the buyer to the named place of destination in the contract of sale. A transaction in international trade where the seller is responsible for making a safe delivery of goods to a named destination, paying all transportation and customs clearance expenses but not the duty. The seller bears the risks and costs associated with supplying the goods to the delivery location, where the buyer becomes responsible for paying the duty and taxes.





Ben叔叔认为logic应该是这样的。1, 你的单我当然是要接定的了,现在只余下一个简单的技术性问题,我们可以谈好的。2, 我们也没做个DDU,不过我查了,以下是整个费用的清单。3, 您看看其实也不是那么危险的,4, 风险是对等的啊我们也有担心呢~5, 所以,一人让一步吧。



Of course I am ready to intake your order :)  We’ve spent long time together trying to make things happen (yeah…yeah..ok.. 文法老师又来说我错吧)and I am sure we can figure it out. (拉拉战斗友谊。不过此处这一段不是所有情况都合适。有时,你想拉近距离,有时你却是想怎样保持礼貌的距离。这一点要你自己决定)

As an industrial norm (norm跟standard差不多,不过standard是个比较科学和生硬的字), 100% payment before shipment has it reason.  If you are so kind (这里我用了你们一直很爱的kind字。为什么?)to put yourself into my shoes: you get a paper or sometime just a verbal confirmation from customer and then you start to spend money on material and processing.  Until the goods arrive your customer you don’t get anything back.  The risk and the cash cycle are just too big for us.  (要让他明白你的处境,这个put yourself into my shoes是挺好用的)

We also notice your request on DDU term.  To be frank we don’t normally work on this term simply because we don’t understand the risk behind it. (不明白这个风险所以我们很少做DDU。非常合理)  In order to win your order (我是有多想要你的订单啊!)we seriously look into it and work together with a logistic provider who has good experience and presence in your country.  (要说明,你找的不是一个一段的三流物流公司。他们专业,跟重要的,是熟悉贵国情况)I do a total cost breakdown for your reference by attachment with the hope that make our cost structure more visualize to you.(这是服务!这不是你口常说的服务好,不是那种跪着接单管接管送管陪玩的服务。这是实际解决客户痛点,为他增值的服务。)

We’ve been looking for a reasonable middle point that balance our risk and cost, and here is the proposal: (列点是最能清楚条理的方法)

1.    We need XX% of deposit to kick of this project and cover all the related cost (material + overhead)
2.    We will do DDU, as you wish.  (as you wish, 如你所愿)We will cover part of your risk.
3.    Feel free to arrange 3rd party inspection if it is necessary.  However I personally don’t think it is a must.  We have a quality system that you can trust. (你要派人来可以,但我觉得没这必要)
4.    We offer extra 15 days for your incoming inspection before paying us the balance.  This make sure you have enough time to check and reduce your quality risk. (仁至义尽了吧)

This is by far the best deal we’ve offered.  I hope this time we could start the business.


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发布于:2016-09-22 15:56
今天用了Ben叔的 You are too expensive 里边的表达方法, 阅读越觉得写的好,期待客户的反馈
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发布于:2016-12-22 22:28
it is very very good i like it
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发布于:2017-09-01 10:55
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